Who wants another adventure with the greatest Sonic fansite staff group ever? That’s right Ian Rob has once again although this one isn’t quiet the epic Back to Reality was… still awesome though. Now for lack of a better image on file have a picture of Sonic of a jet ski.
Story after the Jump.
Irates of the Caribbean
A bright sun hung lazily in a cloudless sky, lighting up the sea water underneath it like a river of gold. Seagulls cawed in the wind as they accompanied a black ship outwards on another voyage. As they peeled off to return to land, the crew of the vessel looked on at the calm sea in front of them.
“Ah, the beautiful ocean” a grizzled looking man said, a grey beard matching his grey and black clothing. Mr Creed the navigator stood upon the deck of the black ship he was on. Alongside him were two younger figures, one female and one male.
“I never really got over my first night aboard this ship” a female replied, dressed very much like the fellow crew members opposed to frocks and dainty dresses. This was a clear positive – her draconic legs and tail would make it very hard for her to walk in such elegant clothing. “Psycho zombie-skeleton-pirates are not something great to find on land, let alone a ship”
“At least it’s somewhat better now” a male of similar age replied. He wore a plain white shirt, a grey bandana with a dragon design on it and black trousers, a fashionable goatee highlighting his pirate credentials (alongside some fancy business cards to hand to looted victims).
“Are you sure?” Mr Creed asked the pirate
“So long as he’s not a drunk madman, we’ll be fine” Blake smiled, before their conversation was interrupted in a flash
“Avast, you lowly swabs!” a more fierce voice rung out, alerting the trio of people to the fox that was captain of the vessel. Long orange dreadlocks hung over matted and shabby fur, a small bandana tied around the tail. A tri-corner hat was hung over one ear with the white muzzle tied up in a fancy goatee. Finally, a traditional pirate waistcoat, trousers and jacket set off the ensemble “I’m Captain Vger Sparrow”
“You were saying?” Sofizabeth said slyly
“Did I mention I am a Captain too?”
“Yes” Mr Creed sighed “You’ve told us this about five times this hour”
“Have I?” Vger said, his mannerisms giving the impression that he might be a little tipsy, if by tipsy you mean absolutely drunk. “Well, I am your Captain”
“Why are we stuck with him?” Sofizabeth sighed in annoyance
“Because he’s the only one that can guide The Black Port” Mr Creed replied
“Surely it’s a ship like any other” Blake queried
“Tis not true” Vger answered, his hammy performance of a pirate causing the others to cringe “Only I know the delicate ways in which this marvellous vessel moves”
“You hit it with a wrench-like tool” Mr Creed sighed
“Well-” Vger started to explain, before the loud booming of cannon fire was heard off the port bow. The small crew scuttled over to see a second, larger ship appear alongside them. Jeering pirate faces sailed past as the captain of the ship swung over from his ship onto The Black Port.
“Tarbossa” Vger said “Why have you graced my ship once more?”
“Why the hostile temperament?” the human Captain Tarbossa replied. A large, elegant hat that was over half his size was worn on his head, complementing the extravagant coat and trousers he had.
“You stole my ship, my livelihood and worst of all, my booze” Vger pouted
“Ah, that is true” Tarbossa said in a suave tone “But I have to say, Vger does do a lot of good for me”
“I didn’t know Capt Vger was such an impression”
“Oh no – not the fox” Tarbossa said, as an ivory furball leapt onto The Black Port and then onto Vger’s head “We named the monkey Vger – a lot more loyal”
“Mmm…Pirate ghey…” Ahkmin the jackal said in-between munches
“Ahkmin, the only condition I had for you joining me was to lay off the head nomming” Vger scowled
“Sorry – but I’m instinctively drawn to ghey like a moth is to fire” Ahkmin replied, his fangs still embedded in Vger’s ear. The fox scowled, throwing the jackal onto the floor with a mixture of annoyance and glee
“But I digress” Tarbossa cut in “If you would kindly give me The Black Port, I can guarantee that you’ll be at least 20% cooler”
“I faced up against you before” Blake said to the pirate lord, drawing his sword
“Ah, but we all know the result of that one” Tarbossa smirked
“It’s not my fault I couldn’t stand straight in a corset” Sofizabeth pouted
“Enough idle chit-chat!” Tarbossa exclaimed, before lunging at Blake with his sword. The human parried the blow, before starting a fierce fight with the Pirate Lord
“Go! Go! Kick him in the shins!” Sofizabeth yelled
“I thought you were a lady” Mr Creed muttered
“I am – it’s just us dragoness ladies are violent little buggers” Sofizabeth smiled
“Mates, I have the perfect way to get rid of Tarbossa” Vger said in his slightly tipsy tone “We first of all need 50 yards of rope, some chocolate, a Chao plushie, Spin and some vintage port”
“All we have is the port” Mr Creed replied
“Close enough!” Vger exclaimed, and stumbled away into the hold. Whilst Captain Vger was away searching for goods, Tarbossa was still duelling with Blake
“I see those weeks on board have sharpened your reflexes” Tarbossa smirked “But you will never beat me”
“And why’s that?” Blake asked
“Simple – Vger! His hair tastes of strawberries!” Tarbossa yelled. Then in a white blur, Ahkmin latched himself onto Blake’s head
“Hey – you lie!” Ahkmin said “His hair tastes of bananas”
“It’s the only way to make it as fluffy as I like it” Blake pouted, drool dripping down the side of his face
“Enough randomness!” Vger the fox yelled “For I have the ultimate item with me!”
“And that be…?” Tarbossa asked. Vger smiled, before hitting a modern-looking sound system, grabbing a large jar and putting on a top hat.
#I’ve got a jar of Port! I’ve got a jar of Port! I’ve got a jar of Port, and guess what’s inside it?# Vger sung in a hideously off-key voice, his lyrics matching up to a poorly synthesized music track
“More port?” Sofizabeth asked
“Exactly!” Vger exclaimed, before guzzling down the drink. As he started to do so, a whirlpool started to form by the ship.
“That doesn’t look good…” Mr Creed muttered “What devilry might be put upon this ship now?”
“Hi – I’m Terrance Blackwood, Mighty Pirate(TM)!” a voice called out, startling everyone. It belonged to a pirate dressed in a fancy blue jacket, with brown trousers, a white shirt and a green tri-corner hat. In an instant, Ahkmin glomped the odd pirate, causing both figures to go overboard
“Well…That was random…” Sofizabeth muttered, the whirlpool getting stronger and stronger as time went on
“What next – me getting pulled overboard by a past-it pirate whose only claim to fame is a passing resemblance to pigs” Tarbossa said gleefully
“Funny you should say that” Mr Creed said, before hitting the pirate lord with a giant spade. He staggered around in a daze, before tripping over Mr Creed’s leg, causing him to fall overboard. “Still got it”
“Aww – I was gonna poke him with my sword some more” Blake muttered, the maelstrom beside the ship getting fiercer and more rough. Waves crashed over the side of the ship as the crew decided to take evasive action
“Is it me, or is the ship getting rocked around a bit?” Sofizabeth asked, holding onto the rigging as the ship tossed and turned
“Maybe a bit!” Blake yelled over the roaring waves
“I can’t see any problem with this ship!” Vger said calmly
“It’s because your drunkenness counteracts the ship’s rocking!” Mr Creed screamed over the waves, the sea getting even rougher as he said those words
“Hey guys – what’s happening?” Akhmin asked, climbing onto the Black Port, a dog-eared green cap hanging off his ear. At those words, a behemoth rose from the maelstrom, seemingly fed off the insanity and randomness of the pirates.
“Ye gods – it’s Calypso…” Mr Creed muttered as a large black demon rose from the water. Hedgehog spines were around the back of its head, giving it an animal form. A glare of extreme annoyance could be seen, before its voice boomed out
“Right – this has gone on for far enough!”
And with that, the blackness of the sea ensnared the entire crew, sending them into the darkness…
“Aww…I was enjoying that” Ahkmin moaned as he pulled off the VR colander helmet attached to Vger’s machine. Having exploded last time it was used, the mechanical fox rebuilt it to the exact specifications as before. Why he didn’t learn from last time, Urtheart didn’t know.
“Urth, two questions” the orange furred fox asked, now dressed in his Hawaiian shirt opposed to pirate gear. “Firstly – why?”
“You were completely screwing over the true spirit of piracy” Urtheart replied, a stern look on his face “Not only was it ludicrous, over the top, lacked any realism and stupider than Ahkmin…Well, I think this best sums it up” He pulled back a curtain doorway to reveal a grey echidna dressed in purples and blacks
“This is silly! Too silly!” AAUK yelled in exasperation at the group, before Urtheart drew the curtain forward again
“…Doesn’t he ever go home?” Ahkmin asked
“Since you arrived, this is his home given he likes to point out your silliness”
“The phrase is patent pending, so no stealing” AAUK said in a muffled voice
“…And anyway, my second question” Vger said, trying to ignore the random echidna living in a doorway “How did you hack my VR machine?”
“Well, if you know the right people” Urtheart smirked, revealing a female with spiked blond hair dressed in a long black cloak, a sky blue bo staff plugged into the VR machine
“Leader of the Neos and I’m reduced to being a bloody hacker” Cheox (a Nobody with the power over electrical appliances and technology) cursed under her breath, scowling at the trio of animals “I swear, if I ever get control of their trouser press, I’ll activate it with them still in the trousers…”
“So basically, this whole ‘disrupting my free time’ thing was basically your way to say that I was being too ridiculous” Vger scowled
“Well, that and I do believe it’s my time to go on MY machine”
“Well if you – wait, what?”
“Ahkmin sold it to me for a piece of fluff and a Sonic Tweet card”
“Aww…It’s a double…” Ahkmin moaned as he flicked through things on his smartphone
“No takebacks” Urtheart replied, taking the VR colander off of Vger “I think a true game of priates is in order at the moment” And, placing the device over his eyes, activated the VR machine for his pirate fantasy
“I hate it when people disrupt my enjoyment” Vger pouted
“I know – you were mightily pissed when I destroyed your years-long comic series” Ahkmin replied “Hell of a lot of fun, though”
“For you, perhaps” Vger muttered “Had to comb those ashes of the fourth wall out of my fur for ages”
“Well if you excuse me-” Cheox excused herself
“Wait a second…” Vger cut in “I have one small job for you”
“Ah, this is the life” Captain Urtheart of the great ship Honeybunch said, the azure blue sea glistening all around him “No Vger, no stupid adventures and no Ahkmin – glorious”
“Hey – when are you going to give us a go, Urthicus?” a young voice piped up. The demon looked down and suddenly, the sea was replaced by tissue paper and the Honeybunch out of cardboard. He looked around in a panic, as young children stood around the crudely constructed ship, each one dressed in pirate gear
“W-What the…” Urtheart stuttered
“Hey, I know!” a different child piped up, this one with vivid pink hair “Let’s sing a song about being a pirate!” And with that, the children started singing a song about piracy in an overly sweet and saccharine way. As they danced and sung around the annoyed demon, he muttered under his breath
“Next time – I’m poisoning his port”
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